Sex is an interesting challenge for trans people going into physical transition, because their bodies are changing so much. In trans men the testosterone levels rise, which usually results in an increased libido. In trans women testosterone drops, but that doesn’t always mean their sex drive decreases. Because if you’re more comfortable in your skin, sex is often more pleasurable. For many a new world opens up in which there is a lot to explore… sex toys for example!
Trans man Raph describes his first experience with a sex toy and trans woman Alice removes the veil regarding her extensive experience with different toys.
Trans man Raph describes his first experience with a sex toy and trans woman Alice lifts the corner of the veil regarding her extensive experience with different toys.
Raph - Age 27 - Transitioned 3 years ago - Bisexual
Masturbating can be a challenge for trans men. In my case it’s lately becoming more difficult to be confronted with the only part of my body that still feels feminine: my vagina.
New possibilities in a no man’s land between male and female
I’ve been using testosterone for three years now – a great hormonal substance that doesn’t only make the libido grow, but also the clitoris. It acquires the shape of a micropenis. For me, growth halted at about two centimeters. The increase in size gives me the feeling that my genitals fit somewhere in between male and female. The downside of a grown clitoris is that it has messed up my self-taught masturbation technique. But the grown clitoris also comes with new possibilities for masturbation: a great reason to start exploring.
I always had the idea that as a trans man, I existed in a no man’s land between male and female. Many sex toys for men don’t fit me and I don’t enjoy sex toys for women because they create a feminine sexual experience. Fortunately there are a few sex toys specifically for trans men.
I’m mainly interested in toys produced by Buck Angel: the trans man who made a name for himself as a porn actor. Nowadays he’s an activist and writer. And he launched his own line of sex toys designed specifically for the anatomy of a trans man. In the sexshop Mister B the Kiss-X catches my eye, the successor of the Buck-Off. The shape of the Buck-off looks somewhat like a doorstop I once saw at Action. The toy fits exactly in the palm of your hand and consists of a soft type of silicone: SilaSkin. The inside is hollow and ribbed so that it stays put around your clitoris or small penis. By moving it up and down and squeezing some, you can jerk off with it. For optimal pleasure from this specific toy you need a penis the size of a thumb: the size of Buck Angel’s own genitals. The Buck-Off will then fit snugly and create a suction effect. But if the growth isn’t as large as that, then Buck-Off is too loose. After receiving feedback from users who didn’t like the toy, Buck launched a new variant: the Kiss-X. It is more suitable for genitals the size of a little finger. I decided to buy this one and couldn’t wait to try it out at home.
The eye-rolling orgasms don’t come
At home I take the toy out of its packaging, apply some lube and lie down in bed. The enthusiasm already causes a small erection, which makes it easier to slide the toy around my mini-penis. The first two minutes with the Kiss-X are smooth. I feel the ridges and am enthusiastically moving and squeezing. I do get turned on, but after the first couple of minutes it starts to feel slightly uncomfortable. Due to the lube, the toy slides in all directions, and my arousal doesn’t last. The slurping sound caused by the lube inside the Kiss-X is an additional turn-off for me. After some minutes of trying out different positions, the feelings from the start of my adventure doesn’t return. The ecstatic sensation and eye-rolling orgasms that I had expected don’t come.
There’s your toy, drying out above the heater whilst you have company
After that first attempt I try again several times, but each time I get the same result: it starts out fun, but after some clumsy fidgeting it always ends with a manual finish without the toy. Therefore the toy does not have the desired effect of a buffer between me and my genitals. In fact, it draws more attention to them, because I constantly have to check if I am still aiming it right. That’s harder than it seems. Besides, it’s not really possible to use the toy when you’re wearing underwear because the lube stains your underwear. If you don’t want that to happen, you have to use the Kiss-X whilstnaked, and having to be naked doesn’t make it more comfortable for me. The fiddling afterwards also isn’t ideal: the ridges – meant for extra pleasure – are difficult to clean. You also have to let the Kiss-X dry properly after cleaning it. Half a day passes before all those nooks and crannies inside the ridges are dry and in the meantime there’s your toy; drying out on top of the heater until you forget about it whilst you have company.
The entire experience has turned into quite the disappointment for me, because the Kiss-X didn’t work well. But it must be an amazing toy for those it does work well for: one that keeps the feelings of dysphoria during masturbation at bay. I‘ll have to keep looking for something I like better. But there are worse things to explore and if there turns out to be a toy that works for me, it’ll only get better.
Alice - Age 49 - Transitioned 10 years ago - Bisexual
Before my transition I lived a dainty existence with a woman as my partner and without an exuberant sex life. Just before my divorce and transition it had mostly come to a halt. After my transition, this changed. I now have multiple bed partners and am very content, having a pleasant and varied sex life. I practice BDSM: bondage, domination, sado-masochism. Within such a BDSM-relationship one person is dominant and the other submissive.
Many trans women have a neovagina which they have to keep deep and wide through dilation. You then insert a synthetic penis. But it is also possible through penetration during sex. An important difference with the vagina of a cis woman is the depth: that of a trans woman is shallower. Mine is fourteen centimeters: good enough, but toys longer than 15 centimeter don’t fit.
Of course sex and masturbation don’t require sex toys, but they can make it extra fun. I have a reasonable stash of which I buy a large amount at Mail & Female. I also visit other sex shops in and outside of Amsterdam, in Berlin for example.
I think trans women can use most toys that are also suitable for cis women. So I think there is no need for toys specifically made for trans women. Only the size can be a problem. Therefore I am not always happy with the toys some sex partners bring along.
I have a vibrator in the shape of a real penis made of silicone with veins and foreskin. Because it is rather big, I need to be really turned on before it fits ‘in there’.
Suitcase full of toys
For BDSM I have a suitcase filled with all sorts of toys, including inflatable dildos. It also contains butt plugs, but those are not for me.
I recently bought balls that move up and down. They are attached to a string. You insert them into your vagina. Inside of them is something that starts moving when you shake them. When you walk around with them, the shifting weights inside the balls cause a vibration.
I also have a large vibrator. It has ten whole settings, but level two is already intense enough.
I most enjoy this toy you can slide around your finger. It is slightly larger than three phalanges and it vibrates. It’s a great feeling when you move it across your body.
At the moment I’m looking for an egg you can insert into your vagina. It seems really exciting to me. I already have one that you control with a remote so also someone else around can operate it. The egg I’m looking for now you can link to your phone. It’s possible to make it vibrate using an app. When another person also owns the app and I give that person permission, they can turn the egg on and off from any location.
My transition meant an incredible enrichment of my sex life, in which the use of sex toys has been really fun. I enjoy all the toys I own and remain open to new experiences.