From Doggy Style to Doggy Styling

‘I used to be a passionate sex worker, and now I am the proud owner of a dog grooming salon in Amsterdam.’

I first met Nayra in October 2017, when both of us were invited by common friends from Trans United (a BIPOC trans empowerment organization) to an empowerment event at a hotel by the seaside. During the dinner I got to sit opposite her, a 53 years-old trans woman originally from Spain, and that is when I first learned that she also spoke Spanish, was learning English, and that she was an avid vegetarian and animal lover. After that first encounter, we kept in touch and we met several times. When I ended up in Amsterdam in 2018, Nayra was one of the people who lifted me up and helped me go through a difficult period in my life after my application for asylum was rejected.

Nayra is a dear friend of mine, and has agreed to talk to me about her life as a trans woman, her activism experiences, her history in sex work, and the joys of being an independent entrepreneur.

Nayra and I enjoy biking. Today we are in Naarden. We sit on top of the old city walls.  Later, as we walk around the fortifications, we begin our conversation:

Who are you in your own words?

I describe myself as a valkyria: a warrior and survivor. Someone with self love. I come from Madrid; my first steps into discovering my trans identity coincided with a time when the political and cultural climate began to change and the country became more open to the world. An explosion of information and cultural changes. I was 10 and I remember vividly how, while my friends were playing with toys, I started listening to avant-garde radio stations. It was around that age that I first saw a famous trans woman on tv, Bibi Fernández. That’s when I knew she was me. It was also during this time that I discovered new freedom, and with it the nightlife, drugs, and sex work. Many things that didn’t exist during the Franco era. My transition began as Spain itself transitioned during the La Movida era, a time when Spaniards started questioning the system and conservative ideas. What Europe went through in the 60’s and 70’s, we lived through in the 80’s. 

As I discovered my true identity, away from the heteronormative ideas, I realized I was different, and this cultural revelation allowed me to explore; I started wearing alternative clothes like goth clothing and makeup. I first moved into a more gender ambiguous direction and then I developed my more feminine side. 

It all started with my entrance into the gay world. I didn’t like to study or work, so I started doing sex work to be able to make a living. But the gay world wasn’t for me, I felt so out of place. Following the steps of Bibiana Fernández, I started taking hormones. Within months I was already looking so feminine. Around that time, I moved to Chueca (Madrid’s quintessential LGBT neighborhood and the epicenter of La Movida). Since then, I never wore male clothes again.

You mention sex work, how did you started doing this?

I lived as a squatter for a while. I was a goth and punk girl living in one of Madrid’s urban tribes. I used to play instruments on the streets, begging for food and money. It was a wonderful time, but in the end the money lured me back to sex work. I was so cute, you know. In four days I made more money than “normal workers” would earn in a month. And when I say normal workers I mean cashiers, bank tellers, shopkeepers, et cetera. It was a time of nightlife, drugs, men, endless sex, and fun. Around that time, in the 90’s, many of my girlfriends started touring around Europe. They would tell me amazing stories of making lots of money, having new experiences, and learning things, such as new languages and cultures. While they were already working towards buying their own houses, I was busy with the nightlife. But no one forced me to do it. I enjoyed it to the fullest. I think I was born to be a lady of the night.

Weren’t you afraid of working in the streets?

When I started in ‘87 there were a few raids by the police, but then sex work was legalized, and we never saw acts of police brutality again. 

In the 90’s and early 2000’s I worked occasionally in Paris in the Bois de Boulogne, quite a scary place. It’s a big forest full of sex workers from everywhere. Back then in Spain we were only Spaniards and a few Argentinians. But in Paris the police and the competition made it difficult. The money was good, better than in Spain, but at what price. Same in Italy, if the police didn’t come to harass you, then the mafia or other trans sex workers did. Yes, you made five times more than in Spain, but it was not the best experience.

When Spain opened its borders, the country was flooded with beautiful Eastern European and South American girls. We no longer had the exclusivity of the Spanish market. That is when I started hearing that with my European passport I could come to the Netherlands.

When I turned 40, I started taking sex work more seriously. I started working online and in apartments. Little by little I left the streets. After I did my GRS (genital reassignment surgery), I became more responsible about my future. Thanks to some friends, I came to work the windows in Holland and Belgium. I started by covering the window of a friend of mine who was on vacation.

How was that first experience working the windows?

At first working in the window felt so claustrophobic. After I’d tried everything (pubs, massage parlors, apartments, you name it), I found myself like a weird, caged thing. Everybody could see me in the window, I felt like a circus attraction, a mouse. For a while I alternated the window with working out in the streets. In the beginning, I used to close the curtain because I hated it, so I was not making any money. 

Going back to Spain was not an option, and I was beginning to feel tired of working on the streets elsewhere in Europe. A friend of mine made me realize that I could make more money in the window than anywhere else if I just put myself to it. So little by little I got accustomed to the drill. he girls also taught me how to work here: every sex work sector has its own tricks, techniques and protocols. It was not easy. Little by little I learned tricks from the Romanians and Easter European girls, such as making the guy come from a blowjob or putting his dick between my legs while squeezing it to make him come faster. They really know how to work a window to the max. So then I loved it, and I was making so much money. My last two years in the trade it wasn’t as good. I mean, I was older, but the quality of the clients and the amount of money dwindled for everyone in the last years, even the younger girls.

Is there a difference between clients who see trans sex workers versus clients who see cis sex workers?

Honestly, there are many types of clients. There are those who go with cis girls, but there are also those who are very curious and who are on their own journey to discover and try different things. Male clients want to try everything, black or white cis women, operated and non-operated trans women. Men, and humans in general, are curious beings by nature, which is why we (humans) keep inventing new things and how technology moves forward. It is the same with clients: clients want to try new things.

And are there clients who prefer trans?

There are clients for everything and for all types. There are many who go to see trans women with penises out of excitement or curiosity. But mostly, I’m sure, they want to try everything. It depends on their current mood. Just like someone who likes blondes and suddenly wants a brunette, or likes fat women and suddenly wants a skinny one. Men have many fantasies, and obviously they have preferences, but when they’re horny they want to try everything.

What do you think about men seeing trans women as a fetish, but not for a relationship?

I believe that when it comes to having a serious partner, there are very few trans women who have a cis male partner who see them as people and not just as sexual objects. That is something that needs to change. I don’t know how but it needs to change. On the other hand, this is mostly a problem for those emotionally attracted to cis men since trans women dating outside that spectrum tend to be in more stable relationships.

Trans women often claim that sex work is in their DNA. What is your opinion about this?

I think that those who call themselves sex workers really like the trade, because they have the audacity and the courage to do so and because they are very sexual. They like sex a lot. So yes, I think it can be in your DNA. Just as you can be born with gifts for any profession, you can be born with the gift of being a good sex worker. In my case it was like that.  

Don’t you think that trans sex workers have a certain responsibility when it comes to portraying trans women as sex objects?

It’s a societal given that women and especially trans women are portrayed as “sexual objects”. Sex workers can’t do much about this and they should definitely not be held responsible for this.  More importantly: sex workers are what they want to be. The more one is a sexual object, the better this is for the market mechanism: sexual objectification stimulates the demand, and thus the more money sex workers make. The money gives the sex worker freedom of movement. Sexual objects they are, but they’re so powerful that they are the ones who take the reins of the market. They are the ones who decide with whom, when and where. Objects yes, with all the advantages that the profession allows them.

Have you ever felt stigmatized for being a sex worker?

Yes, I have felt stigmatized. Talking openly about sex work creates rejection and relationships are lost because of the stigmatizing views on it. For example, if you join a club or go to an event, many times you have to lie when asked about your work. I have found out that when you say that you are a sex worker, no one wants to talk to you, or they leave you alone. That makes you feel really bad.

What makes sex work fun?

In my opinion, the fun part is that many men are very funny, with an array of personalities and ways of being. Many surprise you with their joy or with their treatment towards you. And the money of course, it’s nice to think about what you will do with all that money. It’s nice to be valued and appreciated for your beauty. I don’t think all of us should conform to binary standards but for me I appreciate being considered attractive, and certainly enjoyed it when I was paid for my company.

Let’s be honest and clear. The more they pay you and the more success you have in the field, the more valued you feel. More valued and with more desire to continue exercising your job. More, more and more. There is no greater satisfaction for a sex worker than getting paid what she asks and as many times as she decides. It all depends on that!

And less fun?

That there are men with poor hygiene or bad character. Having to be a psychologist or therapist. That can make it heavy, especially if they are disrespectful, have drank too much, or want you to do drugs with them.

Secondly, putting aside the quality of clients you receive, what is detrimental for a sex worker is loss of market value: when you don’t earn what you want to earn you no longer enjoy it, period.

But now you have a new job. What happened?

I always knew I would retire at 50, I didn’t know what I would do after, but I knew I couldn’t be a sex worker forever. And after 35 years of doing this, I was ready for new things. Of course, I knew that it was going to be difficult for a woman with no formal education, no resume, and my English was not the best either. In any case, I retired at the right moment. Thanks to my life savings I was able to buy an apartment. My plan was to rent it out as a B&B, but right after I bought it, Amsterdam passed a law forbidding B&Bs. It was around that time, one year before quitting the windows, that I received an offer to work for MyRedLight, a company that rents windows. They gave me the chance to learn how to manage two basic computer programs. In my last year there I worked one month in the window and another in the office. When I turned 50, I told them I was ready for a full time job with them and they offered me a contract. 

I was ready to go and sign my contract, when a good friend of mine who owned a pet salon offered me the chance to buy his business. He loved it but grew tired of it. This was the opportunity of a lifetime for me, so I went for it. I paid some of the money he asked for and the rest I could pay little by little. Sadly, I couldn’t sign the contract with MyRedLight, because now I was the owner of a pet salon.

In the beginning it was hard, heavy and difficult because I knew nothing about how it works. On top of that, my Dutch and English are not good, and besides I had never worked doing anything else than the trade (sex work). But I applied myself to it, to learn. Now with Covid I see how lucky I’ve been. Had I been working in the windows or at a restaurant or anywhere else, I’d be without a job. So, I made up my mind: now I know I can keep this salon well into my 70’s. 

I enjoy it so much! In the past I enjoyed doing doggy style, now I really enjoy doggy styling.